Is this happening in your family?
- Lack of intimacy
- Continuous fighting
- Communication problems
- Disconnection from your partner
- Adjustment to divorce or remarriage
- Confrontations with your child
- Out-of-control teens
- School difficulties
- Parallel lifestyles
Today, families all too easily drift apart and disconnect from each other leaving the individual members feeling lost and lonely. Communicating can become become monologuing, rather than dialoguing. These conflicted relationships become a major source of stress and emotional distress for the individuals in a partnership or family.
Why is my relationship falling apart?
Research over the last few decades has enumerated numerous problems that indicate a failing or failed marriage.
- When small problems or disagreements rapidly escalate into major arguments there is a problem. Turning a small issue into a big issue be it the cap off the toothpaste or whose turn it is to take out the garbage creates ill will and distance in the relationship.
- The use of contempt, be it subtle or overt is a key indicator of problems. Invalidating a partner with sarcasm, eye rolling or comments that minimize their experience such as “that’s not so bad” are negative patterns that wear down your relationship.
- Partners who are in conflict or don’t have ways to repair and resolve their differences end up tearing at the fabric of the relationship. When discussion styles include blame, defensiveness, disrespect and criticism, issues remain unresolved and relationships weaken.
Through learning and developing some simple skills, families can reconnect to each other and creative healing can occur. Relationship counseling can help your family grow in the right direction.
Why is my marriage so difficult? Various circumstances place extra stress on your relationship including
- Financial Instability or stress
- In-Law interference or lack of support
- Lack of common interests
- Uncontained negative energy and anger habits
- Constant reminders of problems and disagreements
- Flooding yourself or your partner with emotional reactions
Finding the balance between the need for connection and the need for independence can promote a strong relationship. Learning to regulate internal arousal and uncomfortable emotions reduces stress in interactions and facilitates strengthening the bonds in families. The manner in which a spouse or a parent interacts with another family member determines the direction of the relationship and the amount and type of conflict.
In therapy, old habits and family patterns are explored and replaced with productive patterns that contribute to more satisfying relationships. The relationship bonds are strengthened. Choice points in your interactions become clear. This helps you to navigate difficult challenges with clarity and ease and compassion and empathy towards each other.
Why is my marriage so boring?
Women are more likely to be bored in marriage and men are more likely to be bored with a non married partner. Some of the attributes of a boring relationship include:
- Not enough fun activities and interchanges
- Not enough romance, love, or sexual variation
- Not enough conversation be it sharing about your day sharing your difficulties with the other
- Not enough vacations or breaks from routine
- Boredom with your own lifestyle.
Friends, lovers and partners do fun and meaningful things together. When you become the partner to your spouse that you want him or her to be with you, things will change. Evaluating who you have become and how happy you are with your self can be a powerful motivator in enlivening your relationship.
Whether you are cultivating love in your life, rekindling the fire in your relationship, adjusting to parenthood, or other family transitions, I can help you to find empowered meaning in your marriage or relationship. I can assist you in bringing forth the love and energy in your relationship. You can learn to use whatever is happening to propel you towards a future freed from the problems of the past.
“To achieve a long lasting loving bond, we have to be able to tune in to our deepest needs and longings and translate them into signals that help our lovers respond to us. We have to be able to accept love and reciprocate.” Dr Sue Johnson
How can I save my marriage or relationship?
You can develop resilience in the face of disappointments and setbacks so that you are able to stay open and receptive to those you love. You can learn to see where you give your power away in relationships. You can expand into the place in you that is deeply and authentically connected to yourself and others. There is no scarcity of love inside of you or for others. You can learn to stop and breath before you resort to old destructive habits.
With your children, you can develop the skills that you need to parent from a place of love, compassion and strength. From this place you can guide your children to become the best they can be. Learn to see them with the eyes of your heart and to listen to them with the ears of compassion.
I specialize in relationship building for couples, families, teens and children. Be assured that marriage counseling builds a strong foundation to launch your relationship in a positive direction.
If you have ever had the thought “will someone please help my marriage” please call me. I will guide you in developing confidence in making choices and taking actions that promote strong satisfying relationships with clarity, compassion, and creativity .
Request an appointment for marriage and relationship help HERE
“What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?” -George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans), novelist (1819-1880)